WHAT YOU SOW IS WHAT YOU REAP

not everyone can understand this post perfectly. this is gonna be another blabber of mine. because i dont know who to talk to. see, everytime i talked about this matter, everyone is going to have judgements on me, they dont know how i feel because they are given different situations. i might look strong and like always happy, it's rare for people to see me sad (well, except the ones that's really close to me, who knows what happened)

well, let's just say that there's this person A. everyone has an A in their lifes. but mine is different. sure A is in my life, but A's seldomly involved in my life. and sure A's behaviour is what made me strong these days. everyone else's A is always with them, or at least most of people's A is always caring, their A found a way to protect them. my A, has hurted me for such a long time, A has become a dillemma too in my life. if im talking about A, nobody would understand because their A is nice, the most comment i got when i'm talking about A is just be patient and stuff, and they always say whatever it is that A does, A is still your A. i know, and i accepted that. but i need a REAL A figure in my life. A is still here, but not with me, i miss having an A, but then i again i never had a real A. A said A loves me, but it was after i grew apart, A has just realized A's mistake, but then i grew up, suddenly im not so little anymore, A cant play trick and hide from me. i know im wrong if i dont forgive A, but A is the reason im incomplete, different from anyone else. i need an A, but i'll never get one i guess. so yeah i just want to write this because im sick of being jealous im sick of being sad, because everyone has an A, eventhough their A is sometimes like really annoying and they might want to kill their A, but at least they have As in their life. but then again, humans have different lifes right? and im pretty sure God gave me no real A, and God gave me this situations because he knew im the best to handle this situation, perhaps? and someday i will forgive my A for not being there for me. it's just the way A is.

Im sorry if most of you dont understand. i just feel like writing.

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ps. A is not a boyfriend, and michaela widiani is stupid -_- hahah